Monday, December 30, 2013

Less than. Greater than.

A Poem

In an attempt to make things workable for all parties involved,
I am afraid
I am making you More Than.
More emotion
More heart
More truth
More meaning.

In this attempt to balance the past with the present
and in making you More Than
I am afraid
I am making me Less Than.
Less than desireable
Less than loveable
Less than attractive
sassy
adventurous
witty
detached
enough.

Why do I do it?
Is the sacrifice of peace and acceptance with self
worth the attempt to give my child something
I did not have?


Greater Than, Less Than.
Who is really to say?

When the veil comes down, maybe it really is you who feels
Less Than.
Less than a father.lover.husband.boyfriend.friend. partner.
And in your attempt to tip the scales in your favor...or even just into balance
you make me Less Than.

I reason with myself over a sink of dirty dishes.
Listing the reasons for and against.Mostly against.
Lack of spirituality, 
what I perceive as a confused sense of sexual identity and tendencies.
chemical dependency.
A talent to often conceal the truth
Emotionally remote
Disconnected

But in a Greater Than looking glass
none of it would matter.
You would still be worth more than 
all the peppercorns in Madagascar.
And I could be mostly satisfied.

Today,
I woke up
from dreams
that cleared the way
for me.

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