Friday, May 29, 2009

Tending to... own garden.
Next Tuesday will mark one month since what I'm now referring to as "the accident."I don't really know what else to call it and besides, it does seem fitting. For many reasons--stress, exhaustion, feeling physically ill, all-around lousy and disconnected from my body, I decided it was safe for me to take penicillin. The fact that I chose to take this drug, when I am highly allergic to molds and knew I should stay far, far, away from it--proves to me that I was not on the right path.
This single act of carelessness has had a profound impact on my life. Besides being able to eat comfortably from a list of only about 12 items, I've lost close to 10 lbs. and will probably lose more before I figure out some more pieces to this puzzle. Mind you, I am not completely happy about this. I can not think about food the way I used to...which was a lot! Not to sound corny, but food was practically an art form to me; a form of expression, relaxation, and enjoyment. Now it is about nurishment and questions of safety...just eating a little bit of what I know I can to keep my body going. It has been an enormous adjustment. I tell people its like being a stranger in my own body...which is ironic, because maybe that is what I was before this all started.
I now have to pay careful attention to what I eat and how much of it I consume. I have to be conscious of salicylate levels in everything I ingest...and whether or not any of the foods I'm eating cross-pollinate with the pollens in the air. I can no longer tolerate strong odors of any kind. I ONLY drink water. I can not tolerate tea, juice, or coffee! Talk about keeping things simple. "This is bare bones" here! I've had terrible spells of anxiety...and I've been sad, angry, and confused about what is happening with my body.
But now I am starting to see the other side of this...and this is why I've chosen to share my experience here with others. I believe that this was a call from my higher power--a call to pay careful attention to myself and to set me on a specific path- one that will ultimately benefit and bless me in ways that could not have been possible before. I believe it was a wake-up call to get me to focus on what is really important in my life and that list is really short, simple, and sweet.
It's about looking at my own life more closely, and not so much at the lives of others. It's about appreciating my own unique blessings...and there is so much more I'm beginning to figure out. Funny, how that can only happen with me through an EXTREME crisis. I am so fiercely independent and stubborn. My Creator knows what it takes to get me to stop and listen!
Yes, there are a zillion doctor's appointments and testing--but there is an appointment with a naturopathic doctor in the city set for this Thursday!!! (Thank you, sweet SerahRose!). There is a super-dooper shower filter that takes all the yucky stuff out and leaves my hair tangle-free and Cub's skin (almost) eczema-free! There is the "healthy" glow people keep complimenting me on (Huh?)!! This is probably because I've stopped eating whatever I was allergic to, but who knows what that really is at this point! There are air filters (ahhhhh...) and water filters, too. And for the first time ever, I can almost breathe through both of my nostrils. I am focusing more on relaxation, prayer, and spending time with people who make me feel good. I'm working on letting go (such a tough one!) and I'm learning to keep it simple, because that is the way it has to be. I MUST learn to live in the present now...and that has been one of my greatest challenges in recent years.
I am tending to my own garden. And although it's been a struggle--I've had some really tough moments--one day good, one day bad (health wise), I'm learning how to readjust and reevaluate, and (mostly) staying focused on the positive.


Kat said...

I'm sorry you've been going through so much. I really give you credit though for being able to look on the bright side. It's so easy to get caught up in the negative. Think about all the good things in you're life. You are are blessed.

Jojo said...

I just read your post and yes, please send the link for making napkins. I was thinking a fringe edge would be so cute but I would love to see other ideas.

Working with children's parties would be so much fun and happy! We went to Paris several years ago and were touring Rodin's garden and the most memorable part of the garden (besides The Thinker) was a children's birthday party. It was a Fairy princess party. Not a Disney type but a lovely young woman wearing the most beautiful gown and crown with a magical scepter. The little girls were also wearing fairy dresses. I didn't get a snapshot but I will never forget the sight.